A Short Story.......Fiction, Perhaps?

Where do I begin? Let's start with the fact that I HONESTLY CANNOT LIVE IN MY PARENTS HOUSE ANYMORE. I hope I didn't say that too loud. Let me just say that my mom doesn't get on my nerves at all (except for when she says things about the people I hang out with) but I just can't stand my dad anymore! I know I have gone on tirades about how much I hate him and what an asshole he is but I will stop with all that nonsense and just get down to the nitty-gritty.......he is not a human. I think I finally figured it out!! He does not come from this planet. I'm sure on whatever planet he comes from, he is totally normal. On his planet, people walk around screaming at each other and giving hi-fives when they make someone cry. They sit around and eat red meat while sipping on acid. Playing with peoples emotions in their hands and squashing them with their thumbs is just an afterschool activity. Keep in mind, on this planet, he doesn't realize that he needs to adjust himself to meet other peoples perception of what normal is. His idea of normal is totally skewed. Its ok. I have decided that until he learns to adjust, I will speak at him as if he has no idea what I am saying. "AYEE AHM GOEENG TOO MYEE FURENDS HAOUSE" [I am going to my friends house] or "THEE RED BUHTTOHN TURNS EET OHN" [the red button turns it on]. I think this plan is solid. Also, I might have to hire someone to chew his food for him. He can hold his mouth open and sounds come out but when the food gets in there he seems to sweat so profusely, I fear that he might drown. Maybe its a chewing and swallowing problem. I don't know but I think if he has help with the chewing part, he should be fine. Perhaps I'll also hire someone to dress him everyday. Apparently, on his planet, they prefer to wear pants that are absolutely too short for their legs. Maybe that person can also take care of hygiene. The onion toothpaste is no longer going to be acceptable......hold on........my bad! Its not onion toothpaste, he's just got horrid breath. Come to think of it, it might just be easier to fashion a spaceship out of aluminum foil and paperclips and just send him back to Planet Persi. So on that note, I'll wrap up my short story, and say thank you for reading.

FF

P.S. If you have any spare spaceship prototypes lying around, pass 'em my way. I could totally use some ideas. Thanks in advance!!
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