....On my mind right now. I need to find a way to get everything together. To re-organise myself. Ideas are jumping around in my mind like frogs jumping from lilypad to lilypad. I'm doing a show at Center Stage. Right now, I really don't think I have time to do a show. But I need the escape so I'm doing it. I think it will be good for me mentally and physically. But it is extremely time-consuming and I never really get a break from it. Rehearsals are Sunday-Thursday from 7-9. That leaves me 2 nights out of the week to myself. But I never really have them to myself because my family is always going to/invited somewhere and I am the only one of the brothers that ever goes. Everyday consists of waking up (between 730 and 8) getting to work by 930-945, going to school (T-Th only), going back to work until 5, get home at 530, go to theatre at 630 and usually stay til 930. And of course, during the "travel time", there are plenty of stops....groceries for the house, pharmacy runs, food for myself, school things, etc... By the time I get home (for good), I'm pooped!!! I don't feel the strength to do anything. By the end of the week, I just want to stay home and do nothing. Thankfully, this week is thanskgiving so I will have a bit of a break. No school from wednesday-monday, no rehearsal on thursday, friends in from out of town. This is setting itself up to be a good weekend. I'm just tired of being here. I am getting the feeling again that I am stuck in a rut. Always the same thing!! I think I'm going to end up being one of those people that never really settle in one place. I'm going to be everywhere. I'm gonna either work my way from place to place to place OR have houses everywhere so I can just up-and-leave whenever I want to. Oh goodness.......I just wanna start all that in France. I have a feeling that once I'm there, a lot of doors will open for me.
Knock-Knock.......Bonjour!!!
FF
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I'm blogging. I told y'all that I'd give you a thorough update of what has been going on with me. The last time I wrote something other than halloween pictures and nonsense, it was about my life being semi-normal and just before that I wrote somewhat of an obituary (although I really don't like that word so we'll call it a "remember&honor" blog). Now I am going to try truly updating. I'll do my best to keep it detailed but not too long-winded. And I'll do it numerically (in no particular order):
1. I went to san diego last week to surprise Dalit for her birthday!! It was fun but I'm not gonna lie, it was totallly not the kind of vacation I needed. I wanted to just relax and be alone but instead I drove a lot and was always surrounded by people. I would have been happy to just hang out with my best friend all day but I had to chill with my aunt and uncle for a while considering I was staying at their house. And on top of all that, my back was killing me the whole time! I didn't pop pills the whole time, only on the flights because I knew I would be sitting for hours and I had stops both ways. [See Dalit!! I'm not a druggie!!] I hate to say it [no, I don't] but I think I need another vacation to get over this one.
2. As I may have previously mentioned, I told my dad a little about culinary school. And I say a little because I didn't actually say that I was planning on going whether he liked it or not. Here's how it happened (with a few extra details, just so it all makes sense)....when I sold my car, I was planning to pay for a new one on my own. I wanted to use the money from selling the old car as a down payment on the new one. My dad flipped a little when he found out I sold it (even though he knew I had been trying to sell it since november...it was now june). After making me give him the check I got from selling the old car, he took me to buy a new one. He told me he'd pay for it and I would pay him the difference ($6000). So just a couple of weeks ago, I gave my dad $3000. He asked "ver deed you get thees money ferom" [where did you get this money from?] and I told him I was saving it for school. He asked "vaht eskool?" [What school?] And I said culinary school. I thought at this point, he would flip out. He then asked "how match ees eet?" [How much is it?]. I replied with "$40000 but I am looking at better, more affordable options". He then said "like vaht?" [Like what?]. Me: "studying in france for a year. Its only $15000 for the whole year, including everything" he then said "that sonds goood. Make de peroposel and geev eht to me tonight." [That sounds good. Make a proposal and give it to me tonight" I was ecstatic when he told me that. I couldn't believe that some words of interest came out of his mouth!!! Was I dreaming? Was I in the Twilight Zone?? Seriously, was I being Punk'd?? More on this subject in a future blog post.
3. I have started to see a therapist. I've only gone twice now but I really do feel like its helping me to let everything out. And its good to know that I'm not the only one that thinks the circumstances in which I was raised were a bit difficult to deal with. Honestly, I was a little apprehensive to go to a therapist. I was expecting someone to tell me so lay on the couch and tell them my feelings as they took "notes" and said "mmhmm, mmhmm, and how does that make you feel??". I would have stepped right on outta there if it was like that. But this therapist seems to actually be interested in what I'm saying. Its like talking to a friend I've known for years. And I totally did not expect to be brought to tears in the first session. Lol!
4. My back has been hurting since my birthday (august 9th, mark your calendars). It has been the worst physical pain I have ever felt!! As of monday, november 17, the pain has significantly decreased. I have no idea how but it doesn't hurt anymore!!!! Its a kwanzaa miracle, y'all!! I know I need to restrict my movements and be careful with what I lift, etc., but I am just so happy it doesn't hurt anymore.
I think that's all for now. I'm going to get ready for school now. I've got 20 minutes to shower and get out of the house and we all know that with me, that's NOT possible. But I'll try my best!!
Peace!!!
FF
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I have finally (completely) fixed my blackberry. Everything has been re-installed and I now have my memopad back!!! That was the main reason I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. I usually create a blog in the memopad and then email it as an attachment. That way it doesn't interfere with sending/receiving other texts/emails. Well, a quick update because I have to study for my persian test. I am going to see a therapist tomorrow. I'll exlpain more later. Some more good news......I told my dad about culinary school. I told him I'd been saving money for it but that it was too expensive and I was looking at other, much more affordable options (i.e. Studying in france for a year). Yes, believe it or not, studying in france for a year is MUCH more affordable than a culinary school that's only 400 miles from home. Anyway, he's totally into the idea and he has even asked me for more info. He's NEVER done that. EVER!!!!! I almost jumped when he told me "that sounds good. Make a proposal and show it to me at dinner". My mom screamed a little when I told her. It felt so good that my dad was finally showing an interest in something that I had an interest in. AND he has even told his friends that I am going to france! What is happening!!!! Have pigs grown wings and nobody told me?! This is crazy. I have to study now. I'll be back soon with more updates and more stories for you all.
Wow,
FF
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I'd totally give her my "Last Name",
FF
P.S. Carrie is obviously not the prominent person in the picture, the guitar guy was totally c***blocking.
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Stay Tuned For More!!!
FF
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