Abso-fuckin-lutely great movie. HORRIBLE editing.

In shock,
FF
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I do care. I spoke with my mother today and I think (I hope) that I have finally gotten my point across to her. I explained to her that I felt like she was becoming more and more like my dad in the fact that she continues to encourage my cooking but when it comes to my choice of becoming more educated in the area of cooking, she refutes it. Now I explained to her, with the help of a handy-dandy bible verse, that I need to go to culinary school so that I can be challenged and so that I can persevere under trial. I can't live my whole life with everything handed to me on a silver platter. I need to try something new. I need a change of scenery that won't bore but will keep me guessing what's coming next. So now, I'm a little happier. But not a whole lot.

Hoping for more,
FF
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OK so I just have to say, I LOVE those e*trade commercials with the little baby. They're so effing funny!!! Now, let me get to the more important topic. This blog is about my life, right? So I am going to talk about my life! Whether I like it or not. this weekend was not a very good weekend for me. I was depressed (still am) so I ate A LOT more than I should have (i gained at least 4 pounds).  I don't have a shrink, so I'm talking to you. Let me go through a little of what happened. I'll give you some dialogue [along with my reactions and minor details in brackets] of the incident so you know just what went down. 

ME: Mom, I think I found a therapist. 

MOM: What? Why? Why do you need a therapist?

ME: Well, Mom, you told me you thought I was depressed and that I should go see a religious counselor but since its not a religious problem that I am having, I looked for a non-religious therapist [a.k.a. psychiatrist, if I am going to waste the time, I'd better get some good pills out of it]

MOM: What is wrong with you??

ME: I just am not happy here. I want to go to culinary school. That is all I want to do. Honestly, what am I going to do here with a French degree??!! 

MOM: Well, you could become a translator. they make a lot of money!

ME: MOM!!! ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO!! not what you want me to do!! [OK, so I didn't yell at her. but I felt like maybe it would have gotten my point across a little better] 

MOM: Why do you have to bring that school up again? We already discussed this. 

ME: I know but that is what I want to do! I am going to get loans and pay for it myself. 

MOM: Fine! But if you fail at it, don't expect to come back to me for anything. [OUCH]

ME: I wasn't asking you for anything to begin with. maybe I did before but now I've decided to do it on my own. all I want is your emotional support. [ugh, i sound like such a pussy]

MOM: You have my support! Just don't expect to come back home if you don't succeed! [yeah.....I TOTALLY believe that]

ME: Yeah, I totally believe that. Just give me the credit card so I can go to get those things you want for the backyard. 

So there it is. We all already know that my Dad will practically disown me if I go to culinary school, and now we can add my Mother to the list of people that HATE my choices in life. At this point, I don't even care that I don't have a girlfriend. I don't care that my car is not selling. I don't care that I am probably the lowest paid employee at my job [but that doesn't really bother me since I like my job a lot, I just felt like only 2 "I don't care"'s was not enough]. All I want to do is go to culinary school. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. And no, I am not going to play along with my parents "game" just so they will possibly, eventually give in and pay for culinary school. COMPLETELY out of the question. 

I love my life. I love my life. I love my life...............nope, not everything works like Beetlejuice.

FF

Ebony (Cynthia), Ivory (Marhel), and Me

Lorraine Shetty and Me

This girl and Me 

(I really dont remember her name!)

just a couple of pics for your entertainment. they take forever to upload to this blog so i will now be uploading them (in bulk) to picasaweb.google.com/fffarrr. there are lots more there. be there or be square. 

Where do I begin? Let's start with the fact that I HONESTLY CANNOT LIVE IN MY PARENTS HOUSE ANYMORE. I hope I didn't say that too loud. Let me just say that my mom doesn't get on my nerves at all (except for when she says things about the people I hang out with) but I just can't stand my dad anymore! I know I have gone on tirades about how much I hate him and what an asshole he is but I will stop with all that nonsense and just get down to the nitty-gritty.......he is not a human. I think I finally figured it out!! He does not come from this planet. I'm sure on whatever planet he comes from, he is totally normal. On his planet, people walk around screaming at each other and giving hi-fives when they make someone cry. They sit around and eat red meat while sipping on acid. Playing with peoples emotions in their hands and squashing them with their thumbs is just an afterschool activity. Keep in mind, on this planet, he doesn't realize that he needs to adjust himself to meet other peoples perception of what normal is. His idea of normal is totally skewed. Its ok. I have decided that until he learns to adjust, I will speak at him as if he has no idea what I am saying. "AYEE AHM GOEENG TOO MYEE FURENDS HAOUSE" [I am going to my friends house] or "THEE RED BUHTTOHN TURNS EET OHN" [the red button turns it on]. I think this plan is solid. Also, I might have to hire someone to chew his food for him. He can hold his mouth open and sounds come out but when the food gets in there he seems to sweat so profusely, I fear that he might drown. Maybe its a chewing and swallowing problem. I don't know but I think if he has help with the chewing part, he should be fine. Perhaps I'll also hire someone to dress him everyday. Apparently, on his planet, they prefer to wear pants that are absolutely too short for their legs. Maybe that person can also take care of hygiene. The onion toothpaste is no longer going to be acceptable......hold on........my bad! Its not onion toothpaste, he's just got horrid breath. Come to think of it, it might just be easier to fashion a spaceship out of aluminum foil and paperclips and just send him back to Planet Persi. So on that note, I'll wrap up my short story, and say thank you for reading.

FF

P.S. If you have any spare spaceship prototypes lying around, pass 'em my way. I could totally use some ideas. Thanks in advance!!
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So Cecilia is in town and we have been having a blast (or at least I think so because I never go out unless she, dalit or joey are in town) but I think my mom is right......I am depressed. I don't know what I have to be depressed about. I am verrrrry blessed to be able to have everything I could possibly want handed to me on a silver platter (with a side of neurotic foreign parents) but I feel like something is missing. I don't know whether its that I need to find a girlfriend [to keep me busy ;-)], I need to study what I REALLY want to study [seriously, what can I do with a french degree??] or that I am just stuck in a rut here in El Paso with no way out [ok so maybe there is a way out but I'd be in debt for life]. Whatever it is, I feel like I need to fix it ASAP!! I go around everywhere and though I may look happy, anytime I am by myself (or all the time), I wonder what everything might be like if I weren't here. Would anyone miss me? I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, I could never kill myself, I am much too shallow to ever do such a thing but I can't help but wonder, if I ran away, what difference would make to anyone around me? So I might be a little tipsy right now because there was much more tequila in my drink(s) than there was margarita mix but doesn't the truth usually come out when people have a little (or a lot) of a buzz going on?

Whatever,
FF

P.S. I'm suprised at how well I can type when I'm drunk.
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I just created a post that included a lot of pictures from the Carrie Underwood concert and MY INTERNET SHUT DOWN!!!!! Ugh! It was ready to post and all I had to do was put captions. I'm so annoyed. Whatev. I'll just do it another day from a computer that is connected to the internet through a landline. In the meantime, I'll tell you what happened today. First, I didn't sleep because Joey snores so annoying!! And when I say I didnt sleep, I mean I literally didn't sleep. I was lying down staring out the window for hours on end. Now I'm falling sleep as I walk and we had to get ready super early so we could go to Joey's graduation ceremony which was cut short due to the weather. It was REALLY windy and REALLY cold. After about 20 minutes out there, I stopped trying to fix my hair. We couldn't find Joey after the ceremony so his friends (Rachael, Elyse and Diego) and I went to Applebee's. They were being really nice but I know how much of a A-Hole I can seem to be. It's cool, we'll get drunk later and no one will care. We got back to the apartment and I attempted to take a nap but had no success in doing so. I can't sleep during the day. Now I am sitting here writing a blog. Joey says his parents wanna go to a casino or something so I am gonna go pick an outfit to lose my money in. 

Frick-n-Frack, 

FF

Yo yo!! I just got upgraded beyoncé style!!! I was at the rental car place and the chick behind the counter told me about the special they had on luxury suv's. So I said I couldn't afford it and she said she'd UPGRADE me for free!!! Woooo!! So now I'm rollin and h3!!!!!

Pimpin,
F
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That's right bitches......I have arrived!! Get ready. Cuz I am! Check it, I just got my braces tightened so I am using stronger pain meds than I probably should and the altitude just makes the air in my head a little bit thicker, combine that with a sprinkle of alcohol and we're in for a stooopid weekend!!! Short post today but I'm sure I'm going to be bored for about an hour sometime this weekend so I'll be sure to post pics and vids from the Carrie Under(wear)wood concert. I can see my bags so I'd better pounce before some other fool gets their paws on my goods.

PEACE!!! (In the middle east, seriously)
F
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Short entry but its not like my 5's of 10' of readers will mind, right? Let's get started with what's on my mind right now........Serena killed someone??!?! WTF?! That is some crazazy-ass shit! And her little bro is a flamer?! Yo for real, this show is my new addiction (along with ugly betty, desperate housewives and samantha who?). I honestly wish my life was as interesting as that pinchi show [gossipgirl]. By the way, if you saw samantha who? today, my fave line was:
"We both watch oprah!" -deena (excited)
" Omigod, we're twins." - andrea (sarcastic)
SO good. Meanwhile, I am not going to work tomorrow so I can study carrie and stalk linguistics. Wait....did I mix those two up? Hmmm. Wish me luck (in both).

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,
F
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....or lack thereof. I have done nothing all day but wake up, decorate and deliver a cake. That's all. Let me make it sound a bit more interesting, for my own interest. On this glorious morning of Saturday, May 3rd, I awoke to the sound of the landscape technicians (AKA mexican gardeners). After having both of my parents come into my room and tell me what I assume to be important things while I was still in a half-asleep state of mind, I attempted to drag my 178 lb doughy body to the restroom ro relieve my bladder of the fluids it had been processing all night. Following the urination expedition, I proceeded to wash my hands, drink a red bull and start making 6 slabs of cake look as appetizing as possible. In my humble opinion, I failed at it. The cleaning technician (AKA maid) told me it looked really nice. I think she was just being really nice. It was an intersting concept for a cake. With the help of Tanya, I developed a "design" for the cake. It was for a bachelorette party so Tanya said "it has to be tacky". I agreed. A 3-tier cake with a "stripper" inside. And it was pink. That is TACKY! I hollowed out the cake and stuck an unclothed Oliver (from Hannah Montana) doll into the center of the cake. It was the only male doll I could find. Luckily, he already had tighty whities on so there was no need for censorship. After assembling the cake and putting on a crumb coat of frosting, I let it hang out in the fridge for a while. I took it out of the fridge and frosted it with the second layer of homemade pink pina colada frosting and placed maraschino cherries at every corner of the cake. It was marvelously tacky (I'll post pictures as soon as I get them on my computer. The frosting was a buttercream frosting so I knew it either had to be refrigerated ASAP or delivered ASAP so I could get it out of my care in case it started to melt in this fantastic E Paso weather that we have. Well, on the way to drop it off at the destination, it started to melt. Oh well, I dropped it off and cleared out their fridge in order to savw the cake. They have yet to call me and let me know of they liked it. I tasted it, I liked it. But like I always say, it may not look pretty, but it'll taste good!! So there you have it, my ever so interesting life. That was much better than "wake up, decorate and deliver a cake".

Now I am sitting in my room watching My Fair Lady. It is an old musical. We have talked about it a few times in my linguistics class so I was in the mood to watch it. Ello guvnah!!

Ave a loverly day,
Enry Iggins
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Well in case anyone was wondering, I didn't get that H3. Long story short-my dad didn't wanna help me out by cosigning even though they were offering me 15000 for my car (more than what I'm trying to sell it for) and that would have SIGNIFICANTLY cut down the final cost of the new car. The sales-homie has called me like 3 times today and left me messages saying he has some good news about the car. I don't want to call him back because I know he'll just keep trying to push the car on me. Its just like every other situation in which my father has refused to help me out.Sinus surgery-no; this is a necessity. I didn't develop these sinus problems that I have. I INHERITED them from my DAD!!! Culinary school- no; people from the schools I was accepted to continue to send me letters and pamphlets. Film school- no; people from the school continue to send me letters and pamphlets. WHY DON'T THEY GET IT?!?!?! I CAN'T GO! I reeeeaaallllyy just want to go to culinary school and open a reataurant (or four). I don't understand the reps from these schools can't comprehend it when I tell them "my family won't help me and I can't afford your school on my own". Still, they call. It is beyond me. Even with loans and grants, etc., the Culinary Institute of America is MUCH too expensive for me to even dream of going there. Oprah, if you can hear me, please pay for my school. I'd be more than happy to work for you. Give me a show like Dr. P and RayRay. Or even a radio like Gayle. I promise I won't let you down. I'll do anything. I'll even write my autobiography and some fiction that you can promote on you book club. Someone, make my dream come true.

Cakes, Cookies and Chocolate,
F
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I'm car shopping. I'm at Borman Autoplex in the LC and they are offering 10000 trade-in for my car. I'm still pretty sure I can sell it for more but no one seems to want to buy it! Whatevs. It is a nice car and someone should buy it from me. So I'm checking out this black Hummer H3 and I really like BUT it has XM. What am I supposed to do without SIRIUS?! No Martha on XM. Lol! I really need a bigger car already!! My neck is starting top hurt from hunching over in my car. When I stepped into the H3 (as opposed to falling into my mustang) I felt SO comfortable!! It was roomy. It was clean. It was pretty. Now they are asking me how much I make and it is possible that I exaggerated a little bit. But hey, who doesn't exaggerate?! Don't judge bitches!! Imma do what I gots to do to get by! Well the sales-homie just came back in so I gots to go but I'll let y'all know what happens later.

Rollin',
F
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For some, its a good thing because it lets you feel good about consuming less calories while still enjoying a flavorful beverage. For others, its the devil. Today, the devil attacked me.......in the form of Diet Coke. Sara and I went to quizno's to pick up some lunch today and as I was getting into my car, I attempted to put my freshly served Diet Coke into the cupholder for the purpose of avoiding any spillage that might occur during the mounting of the vehicle. Well, thanks to poorly made cup lids, 20 ounces of caramel colored death ooozed into my upholstery. As in the seat I have to sit in. As in the place my ass is supposed to be occupying! It was a puddle of Diet Coke. It felt like a dagger throught the heart. I've never done anything to Diet Coke to make it betray me in such a way. Ouch Diet Coke, ouch. Now all that can save me is the trust that I have in my friend "Carpet and Upholstery Cleaner." And if not, there's always the detailer. That's all I have to say.

Tears,
F
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Krusty Lee Cook went home!!!!! How glorious a day this is!! May the people of America be blessed for finally coming to their senses!!!!!

Happily and Unbelievably Overjoyed,
FF
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Shopping.
Eating.
My blackberry.
All these things make me feel good. Only two of them can reeeally be bad when they get out of control. What do I do about it? Talk to my friend T (name has been omitted to protect privacy) about it. We share this addiction to Target and Ulta. I'm amazed that we don't run into each other there more often. The bad thing about it is that the geniuses behind the placement of these stores put them right next to each other. Wtf?!?! That doesn't help people with addictions. They are our enablers.

In the name of hygiene, grooming and beauty,
FF
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Juno came out on DVD today so bust out your hamburger phones, call the video store and put a copy on hold cuz they're sure to go fast. Keep in mind, only 21 days until the carrie underwood concert!! In other music news, 'Mimi' released her new album today. Although allegedly Ashlee Simpson leaked it last week. I downloaded the leaked version and let me just say, if you want a whisper-singing, hand-waving diva on your iPod, get the album. Its got a lot of upbeat songs so it'll get you going. But seriously, she needs back up that whole "the voice" thing and bust out some better shit! And in non-celeb news, Joey (my best friend) should be finding out within the next week if he made it  onto The Big Show on ABC. He could be the next 15 minute reality show superstar. Watch out Tila Tequila, he's one fierce bitch!

Talk it out,
FF
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Okay bitches! This is just a test. I want to see how the blog from blackberry works out. I'll post later to see if I like it.

F
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ok peeps, check it. this is my second try at a weblog. i used to have a xanga account but that one sucked and i hadn't updated it since 2004.  i figured i would give it another shot so here it goes. and apparently i can do this from my blackberry so i will. i am never at my computer anyway so this should work well. and it will improve my blackberry typing skills. this is most likely going to be a blog about nothing. but i actually like writing, although i am so tired of writing papers for my english class. the topics are getting more and more dull!! anyway, lets kick things off with a snap. (no bang, i'm too tired for that) i signed up for planet fitness today!! i am tired of being so jiggly. when i am driving in my car, i feel like a ziploc bag full of jello strapped in to a harness. i'm not fat, i'm just out of shape. i'm tall but my mom says i look "muy aguado" (watery. lol!) whatevs. i'm just glad that i haven't gained any of the weight i lost 2 years ago. keep in mind that i eat almost non stop. i just cant help it! i love food. my name is farzad and i am a food-a-holic.