While driving to lunch with Eliza today, we coined a new term, "vicious with a smile". Eliza mentioned that she thought it was a good name for a band or something and I said it would make a good title for a blog. So here it is, "Vicious......With a Smile".
Sometimes, life is good. Sometimes, life is bad. One thing is for sure, life is always vicious......with a smile. Think about it: life sucks. How many times do you ever think to yourself "wow, I'm really happy. There is nothing wrong with my life" ? Never, you say?! That's what I thought! That's how life is so vicious. When is there not something bad going on that is always on your mind? Wars, idiotic presidential candidates (and their running mates who use their downs syndrome baby as a selling point), cancer, etc. Yet, there is always that promise that something greater lies ahead. Wars come to an end, the better choice (usually) wins the election, people beat cancer, etc. Do you ever hear anyone say that your life is never going to get any better? No! They always say "there's a light at the end of the tunnel" or "look at the silver-lining".
For example, my life (recently) has been very uneventful. I've had the same hum-drum routine for a while and I can honestly say that something is wrong with me. I don't know if I'm depressed, bored, anxious, etc., but something needs to change soon. A couple of weeks ago, I took a little vacay with my mom and brother (Scottsdale, if you recall from recent blogs) and we visited the Scottsdale Culinary Institute. I'm very happy to announce that I applied, was accepted and within a few hours of my visit, I was already set up with my brand spankin new student email address, a campus advisor who is helping with all the finer details of securing my transfer to Arizona and a renewed hope for a better life. Please don't misunderstand me, I have a good life. I can't complain about anything I have right now but you must understand when I say that a person can go crazy when living under the same circumstances and environments for years at a time. I'm young. I don't want to go to my high school reunion having not accomplished anything in my life because I got too comfortable in mommy and daddy's comfort zone. I'm not gonna be that "junior" that my dad wants me to be. I'm not a carbon copy!!!!
The only problem with the school is that I haven't told my dad yet. I know, I know! I need to tell him asap. My mom has given me a "deadline" of September 30 to inform my dad. The thing that is different about this time is that I am saving up my money so he sees that I am much more responsible now compared to what I was before. I am not expecting him to give me his blessing in going to school. The only thing I am expecting is that he explodes and throws the biggest bitch fit that we have ever seen. To him, he'll see it as a betrayal. I don't know how to explain it but if you talked to him about it, you'd understand. On the other hand (here comes the "...with a smile" part), I'm FINALLY going to culinary school!! Snaps for me! Now please, don't talk to me about it. I know it seems dumb and you'd think I'd love to talk about it 24/7 but I feel like if I talked about it all the time, it won't happen. I just wanted to tell you all this so you don't call CNN when I go missing in the end of December (that's when I'm moving.....hopefully)
Keep in mind that if for any reason whatsoever, I do not go to this school in January, I will go insane!! I don't think I'll be able to hamdle so much disappointment if Idont go to another school because of my dad (recap: culinary school '03, san diego '04, art institute for advertising '04, gave up in '05 and '06, film school '07, AMDA '07), all of those schools were denied to me simply because my dad won't support me (emotionally or financially). I'm glad to announce that I have worked on emotionally detached myself and am no longer seeking the approval of my father so I hope everything goes better this time around.
So just remember, life is always vicious but it never does it without a smile to comfort you. I'm SO looking forward to my smile.
There is plenty more that I have to share with you (including: theatre, cancer, work, school, general life) but will be coming in future blogs. Haha! How's that for a cliffhanger!?!
Say a Little Prayer For Me,
FF
P.S.: (no I don't have cancer, its just a topic I'd like to discuss)
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
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