Ok peeps, I'm not gonna lie. It's only been 3 days and I am already regretting (just a little) joining in on this "45 Day Challenge" we've got going on at work. Not so much because of the working out, I don't mind the working out, its more the pain that comes with the working out that is starting to annoy me. I am having trouble with routine neck scratching, simple dressing activities (i.e. pulling t-shirt over head) and now it has gotten to the point that I left my house wearing SWEATPANTS! I do not lie. If you know me, you  know that I NEVER wear anything other than denim unless it is otherwise required for the attendance of an event at which denim might not be sartorially acceptable. Every second that I was out of the house, I wanted to run into a corner and hide. The "guidelines" that go along with our challenge are as follows:

1- NO diet pills or weight loss enhancing products of any kind. All weight loss must be done through diet and exercise. The healthy way. 

2- All participants must put $50 into the "pot" as an incentive for the winner. 

3- The winner will be determined by the percentage of body weight lost, NOT by the number of pounds lost. 

4- Weight is taken at the beginning (duh) and once again on August 1st with the final weigh-in on August 6th. August 1st weigh-in is for motivational purposes only and will not reflect upon final results. If August 1st weigh-in results are not up to 

your expectations, please consult your nearest gym/workout dvd and GIT YO ASS INTO SHAPE BEFORE AUGUST 6TH!!!!

That all seems pretty simple. Now let me just say, I am NOT willing to sacrifice flavor for weight loss. My food will NOT be lettuce and tuna. My food will NOT be bland and flavorless. I am gonna lose weight the healthy way because no matter which way you cut it, I am a foodie. I cannot give up my food. You can take my sodas, you can take my chips, you can take my junk food, but you will never take away my tasty food. 

Give Me Delectable Flavors or Give Me Death, 

F

p.s. I am doing the P90X fitness program. Also, going to the gym when I can and tanning. I was going to take before pictures, but I'm shy. :)

            While my experience may not be as dramatic or as ongoing as those of other people, it still bothers me just as much. Being discriminated against because of what you are is a horrible feeling. After 9/11, not only was I discriminated against in my school environment but I was singled out in airports, city buildings, and other everyday situations. The embarrassment I felt was painful and it was all because of my name.

            The devastating day that was 9/11 was not only hard for the people who lost loved ones in any one of the terrorist acts but it was hard for the whole nation. That didn’t mean that they all had to pick on me and other people of middle-eastern descent!! I am Persian (and Mexican, although you’d never know it from my name). My dad is from Iran. He gave me the name “Farzad”. It means “splendid birth”, but no one cares about that when your name sounds like a potential terrorist name.  Since about 3 weeks after 9/11, I have wanted to change my name. I feel slightly ashamed that I still want to change it but honestly, it would be a lot easier to order a drink at Starbucks without having to repeat “F AS IN FRANK, A AS IN APPLE, R AS IN RED, Z AS IN ZEBRA, A AS IN APPLE, D AS IN DOG” three times. Anytime a person hears my name, they ask about its roots and they ask where I am from, when I tell them, they respond with a look of disgust and shock.

            I was only 16. When it all happened, I was as traumatized as the rest of the country. The only thing that set me apart from almost everyone at my school was that one particular teacher made it VERY clear how he felt about people of middle-eastern descent…terrorist or not. Needless to say, he singled me out, stared at me through his entire “patriotic” speech and my final grade in the class was not what it should have been. I never built up the courage to say something about the way I was treated and I never dug deep enough into myself to find out why. My only explanation for his behavior was that he was looking for scapegoat and I was the nearest, easiest target. 

            Since then, other than ridiculous airport security checkpoints at which I have been ruthlessly searched and questioned, and one incident at work, I haven’t had any problems in the “we think you are a terrorist” department. Thank God! It is just so sad that people feel the need to stereotype and categorize in such a demeaning and disrespectful way. I am still looking forward to the day when racism and discrimination as a whole are done away with. Until then, I am Farzad…“F AS IN FRANK, A AS IN APPLE, R AS IN RED, Z AS IN ZEBRA, A AS IN APPLE, D AS IN DOG”. 

Have you ever had someone confuse you for someone else? Have you ever had a person think that you were something that you weren’t? I remember a time when people confused me for being gay on a very regular basis. I’ll admit that I am not as masculine as some of the other straight guys out there, but I am not feminine either. I have found a happy medium and I am happy with who I am. I remember during high school, my friends and I would go to Mexico to party and dance. I saw a girl from my school that I was interested in and started to dance with her. We danced for about 20 minutes when she decided to tell me that she was happy I was gay because she couldn’t “dance like this with a straight guy”.  I was in shock! I didn’t know that to say. I couldn’t just walk away even though I felt like I should. I had to clear the air around this little rumor. I immediately pulled her off the dance floor and explained to her that I was straight. I proceeded to ask her why she would say that to me and she said, “ It’s just that you dress really well and you’re really nice.” I quickly replied with “Thanks!...but since when does that make you gay?!” We finally fixed the situation and the night ended well. After that night, I got to thinking – why should I have to continually explain myself to people!? Now I know why…..because people don’t get it! Metrosexual does not equal gay!!!!

Maybe I’ll just tell you about a few of the instances in which I have been mistaken for a gay man. Believe it or not, it goes all the way back to 7^th grade. That would add up to just about 11 years. Admittedly, no one back then actually thought I was honestly gay, they just called me that because they couldn’t come up with anything better and I was the easiest target. But throughout the years, the torment has just grown and, in my opinion, spiraled out of control.

You’ve already heard about the high-school-dance-floor situation so I’ll move on to my first year in college, 2004. That was when I actually started to get hit on by people of the same sex. It was very strange. I was away from home, going to school and working full time in California, so obviously I was always tired and low on cash. Whenever I needed coffee I would go to my favorite place, The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, where they had THE best white chocolate mocha. The problem was that each one of those was about five bucks. I realized one day that the male cashier was hitting on me; I decided to go ahead and take advantage of the situation (call me what you want but I got free drinks!). Never did it go any further than witty banter at the coffee counter and then I started to realize how insanely wrong that was for me to do. I never went into that coffee shop again.

After coming back to El Paso, I got a job at a medical office where one of the department heads happened to be gay. Three weeks later, he started to hit on me through text message. Needless to say, I mentioned the situation to my supervisor and the “assailant” was soon fired. All of these situations not only make me very uncomfortable but they force me turn off my social radar. It has been five years since I’ve had a girlfriend. I have tuned out the thought of ANYONE hitting on me so I don’t realize if a girl is hitting on me. These events have taken a serious mental toll on me and it is about time that I get back in the game. My only problem now is that I have become “socially retarded”.

I don’t understand the reason people may think a person who dresses well, keeps clean and practices proper etiquette is gay. It’s a sad thing that people have forgotten that gentlemen still exist. Is the term used to describe a man who enjoys taking good care of himself a little too gay in and of itself? Perhaps the term “commonsensical” should be used in cases like this. A man who keeps himself up to a certain standard of living need not be classified as gay or metrosexual -- this man needs to be considered a sensible human being who is aware and courteous to those around him. No one wants to look at or stand next to a person who smells and looks like trailer-trash. Guys, give them something good to look at! Looking good is not gay, metro or rocket science. It’s simply a matter of good judgment. The next time a girl (or guy) confuses you for being gay, tell her (or him) that you’re just ”commonsensical.”

The adventures and misadventures that kids get themselves into have always intrigued me. I remember a time, not that long ago, that I got into a little trouble myself. In 1994, my uncle got married. My parents, grandparents, brothers and I all traveled (by car) to Canada for the wedding. I come from a Persian family and as we all know, Persians like rugs. So, the following is a little story I like to call “Farzad Through the Looking Glass”. 

I am very vain……or at least that is what my mom tells me.  My mother is always calling me Adonis because she thinks I am too concerned with my looks. She always sings the Carly Simon song "You're So Vain" to me. I disagree with her. I believe I pose a very valid point when I say that “Looks = Success” If you don’t look the part, you’ll never get the part. As a result of my mission for success, I do look in the mirror very often to make sure that I look good. Sometimes though, I just don’t look close enough. 

I’d have to say that my self-preservation efforts started at a young age. I always wanted to make sure that my clothes matched, that my hair look better than everyone else’s and that my sneakers were cooler than all the other guys. I was always voted “Best Dressed” and “Most Stylish”. My clothes were even featured on the fashion page of my high school senior yearbook. This involved many, many minutes in front of the mirror every day. It all started around 2nd or 3rd grade when my “puppy love” phase developed. I attended a private school and they always let the 4th and 5th graders attend the junior high dances. Looking forward to this very much, in 3rd grade I was already thinking of who I would invite to the dance. I decided then and there to start caring for myself and the way I looked. If I ever wanted a girlfriend I’d have to look good for her. The Fonz always looked good and look at how many ladies he got. My theory worked and I have had a date for every dance since the 4th grade.  

In 1994, my Uncle Reza got married in Canada. For this special occasion, my family and I took a three day road trip from El Paso to Toronto to attend the wedding. When we finally arrived, my brothers and I were completely fed up with each other. Needless to say, for the rest of the trip we went our separate ways. I avoided them as much as I could. One day while we were there, my father, being the devout Persian culture enthusiast that he is, decided that we were going to go Persian rug shopping. How fun! Taking a 9 year old to see smelly ugly rugs! It wasn’t really as bad as I thought it would be. A snowball fight would have been much more appealing but July in Canada does not allow for much snow. The entire family went to see these famous Persian rugs. All out parents told us was to behave and stay in one place because it was a big store and they didn’t want us to get lost. There were about 8 kids with us and all we did was jump form pile of Persian rugs to pile of Persian rugs. We were having so much fun, figuring out who could jump the farthest, who could jump the fastest and who could win the races from one end of a row to the other end. I decided to challenge one of my brothers in a race down a row of piles. I was already anticipating my victory. Jump. Jump. Jump. Three down, four to go. I was winning by one pile. Jump. Jump. Jump. I turned to see how far along my brother has come. We were neck and neck! JUU...CRAASH!!! On my last jump, I ran into a mirror. I should have seen myself, considering that I had so much experience looking at myself in the mirror. Luckily, the mirror didn’t break but I felt like my nose did. I even broke my glasses. Blood was running down my face, dripping onto my shirt. This was SO embarrassing! I can’t believe I ran into a mirror! How much more ironic can life be? The person who is always checking himself out in the mirror crashes into one because he didn’t see his own reflection. 

I remember thinking that there must have been more piles of Persian rugs ahead, because that was what I saw. I simply didn’t notice that I was already on a pile of those rugs. The wedding was the next day and even though the wedding wasn’t about me, I didn’t want to go because of the way my face looked. I looked as if I ran into a wall at 80 miles per hour. My parents forced me to go, mostly because I wasn’t old enough to stay in a hotel room by myself. I decided to not tell anyone at the wedding that the wall I ran into was a mirrored wall. I was attached to my brother the whole time because I didn’t want to be the loser in the corner with a bruised and broken face. Of course people asked repeatedly, “What happened to your face?” I told them I ran into a wall. I felt this excuse was embarrassing enough and didn’t invite many more questions. On the other hand, my brother felt I should tell the WHOLE truth. I felt otherwise. When the next investigator came along to find out what happened to my face, my brother gave them the exclusive Barbara Walters 20/20 interview. He held nothing back and explained, in detail, exactly how I ran into a mirror. Everyone’s reaction to his response was drastically different than when they heard my response. Countless questions followed. “Didn’t you see yourself?”, “Don’t you wear glasses? Do they work?”, “Are you retarded?” (yes, they actually asked this.)

 This was even more embarrassing than running into the actual mirror. Now I was running into the reflection of my stupidity. This experience made me learn to take a good, hard look in front of me before walking into any scene that looks strangely familiar. I also learned that mirrors can be a bad thing…..but only if you jump into them face first.

I'm going to be posting my essays from various classes on my blog, just for fun. Let me know what you think!!!

FF

My [love] life has officially come to a standstill. I have no mojo! Naomi and my mother are right. I need to stop treating and looking at girls as friends and start looking at them as potential girlfriends. Its just been such a long time and I'm kinda scared. Its really intimidating. I mean, I hardly ever go out, I hardly ever drink, so I don't want to meet someone who is highly inebriated at a club when I now that that is not the kind of girl that I am looking for. I'd much rather meet someone at Barnes & Noble. I want someone who is smart and who I can have real conversations with. (Just not political conversations cuz I just don't get it right now). I want someone who isn't quite sure of her beauty so I can make her feel beautiful. Not someone who is so sure of herself that she would probably be happy just sitting in front of the mirror all day staring at herself. I want someone who is not afraid to be herslef around anyone, just like me. I'll make a fool of myself in front of complete strangers just to make them happy. I need to find myself a girlfriend. One who isn't fond of cheating on her current boyfriend, one who isn't currently in a relationship. I'd prefer someone who is my age or close to my age. This sounds like a REALLY bad personal ad. Lol! I think I'll stop now. It was dollar drink night at Aceituna's tonight and I spent at least 10-12 dollars on myself. So you all have a good day.

Loserly,
FF

P.S.: for real, if you know of anyone between the ages of 20 and 23 who would be interested in dating someone smart, funny, kind and sincere, give me a holler!!!! [Ugh, I am such a loser]
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The joke is supposed to be......

Q-What do you call a person who takes pictures of dogs??
A-Pho-dog-rapher!! (Photographer!!)

Lol! I put 'od god' on the last one.

Maybe I'm a lil drizzunk.
FF
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Don't be a fr-unt today! (That was for karla and leslie)

So today is my moms birthday. She turns 45. That's all.

I love how some of my stories have no point. Now, here is something with a point. I am glad that Karla and I are becoming good friends again. We used to be like best friends and then *poof* almost nothing. She was a friend I never wanted to lose and for a while, I did. Yes Karla, I know you are probably reading this but sometimes things sound less cheesy when written in blog format.

I am totally feeling more groggy than bloggy right now so I am going to leave you all with a little joke, courtesy of my Mother:

Q-What do you call a person who takes pictures od god??
A-a pho-dog-rapher!!! (Photographer!!!)

Its Friday the 13th......BOO!!
FF
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Yeah, so I finally got over my secret chico's craving. I hadn't been in about a year and a half. I must say, it is so plain. They are just plain old taquitos with some funky sauce and cheap cheese. I think, for my party on august 8th and 9th, I am going to make a gourmet version of chico's. But we'll see.

So tonight I sang for 2 people. I haven't sung for an audience of any size since last july. Even though I thought I was a bit rusty, it felt SO good. I don't know why, I thinks its just fun to do and it usually makes people feel good. And we all know that I like to make people feel good. I sang the song that I sang at the american idol audition [how sweet it is by michael buble] and I love that song. I love to sing. I can't stop myself sometimes. My legs feel numb a little right now.

Its weird that alcohol makes my various areas of my body go numb. Wtf?!? Does that happen to everyone, or just me?? Anywho, let's remember that my party is less than 3 months away. Keep in mind, if you don't dress appropriately, you'll be OUT of my circle. :-) I will be taking lots of pictures and I don't wanna see any fugly outfits!!! Jk! I don't judge (out loud)!

Have a nice day,
FF
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i got a tablet for my mac!!! i can write on stuff just like perez now!!! lol!!

this  is  SO  exciting!!!

When I show up somewhere wearing something, I meant it to be like that!!!!! I do not need nobody tellin me that I neeeeeds to be wearing a tie. I don't not need nobody tellin me that I look better with all my buttons buttoned. Bitch gots to back up OUT my kool-aid cuz bitch don't eeeeeeven know da flava!!!!! That's right. I just threw a B.F. [Bitch Fit] So today was the wedding of Christina and Jake. They are now the Lara's. Its weird. Christy was always my back-up. Not for marriage or anything like that, but like for going with me to certain places. Today, for example, I was thinking, "who can I dance with?", and then I thought "Christina", but now she's married so I can't just go dance with her like she was still single. Naomi backed out on me when my song came on so I had to dance with one of Christinas co-workers. She was really nice and her 5-year old danced with us too. Steve and I got pretty drunk of off Malibu's and sprite's. Lol! They go good together. The cake was good. The food was good and Mama Lupe [naomi and christina's mom] gave me her champagne. And from a different occasion [involving people not in attendance at the wedding] Let me just say, I ain't gon' git drunk so you could mo-lest me!!!!! You should git yo own ass drunk and stop bein' so desperate! [B.F. #2]

Never wanting to hear another Ranchero song......EVER!!!!!!!!,
FF
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Do we practice how to eat? Someone remind me to post my essays up on this blog. I always get good feedback about the content but bad feedback about the writing style. Whatev!! ANYWAY!!! [Its quite possible that I have ADD, considering how often and how quickly I change subjects.......ooh! a bird!!!] I went to the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner for my very good friend Christina Gomez today. It was nice and I got "upgraded" from usher to escorting her mom down the aisle. Haha! Awesome, I'm an "escort". So from now on, if you want me to go with you somewhere, it'll cost you!!!

So in just a few short weeks, some friends of mine are planning to go to Vegas. I am getting more and more excited about this trip and I'm still not totally sure that I can afford it considering that I racked up almost 900 in shopping when I went to denver. Ugh, I have MAY-JAH shopping issues. I am pretty positive that I can get my mom to at least pay half. Then I'll be able to go. For sure.

Tonight, I was at Erins bar with Karla and Leslie and I have SUCH a good time with them! And I'm totally not just saying that because I know they read my blog now but seriously, even though half the time, I have NO IDEA what they are talking about, those girls make sure that you have fun! No matter what! I'm glad we are hanging out all summer and all are attending the 3 day birthday extrrrrravaganza!!!!

Hurry up and get here Aug. 7th, 8th & 9th,
FF
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I just got home from Aceituna's, (and I'd like to give a shout out to my girls Naomi, Karla and Leslie!! Lol!!), and call me a nerd but I felt the urrrge to read. Yes its past midnight and yes I'm a little drunk BUT I finally finished 'The Soul of a Chef'! I have to say, the very last line of the book is my favorite. It reads, "...they never forgot what the work was about: to cook for people and to make them happy." That's all I want to do! Cook for people and make them happy!!! I love cooking and baking and I love happy people! Mix it all together and you've got yourself one hell of a cocktail.......and I like cocktails too!!!! I'm excited now cuz I can start reading this guy's (Michael Ruhlman) other books. There are two other ones that I'm really wanting to read, which are 'The Making of a Chef' and 'The Reach of a Chef'. Its a series of observational books in the cooking industry. He also helped write the cookbook that Naomi is supposed to get me for my birthday, The French Laundry Cookbook. I can't wait to get it and try out the recipes. Ugh, I'm so obsessed. All I think about is food and its 1:15 am and all I can do right now is think of what kind of food I want to make for my birthday party on August 7th, 8th & 9th. Don't worry, you'll get an invite.

Patiently awaiting August,
FF
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Abso-fuckin-lutely great movie. HORRIBLE editing.

In shock,
FF
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I do care. I spoke with my mother today and I think (I hope) that I have finally gotten my point across to her. I explained to her that I felt like she was becoming more and more like my dad in the fact that she continues to encourage my cooking but when it comes to my choice of becoming more educated in the area of cooking, she refutes it. Now I explained to her, with the help of a handy-dandy bible verse, that I need to go to culinary school so that I can be challenged and so that I can persevere under trial. I can't live my whole life with everything handed to me on a silver platter. I need to try something new. I need a change of scenery that won't bore but will keep me guessing what's coming next. So now, I'm a little happier. But not a whole lot.

Hoping for more,
FF
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OK so I just have to say, I LOVE those e*trade commercials with the little baby. They're so effing funny!!! Now, let me get to the more important topic. This blog is about my life, right? So I am going to talk about my life! Whether I like it or not. this weekend was not a very good weekend for me. I was depressed (still am) so I ate A LOT more than I should have (i gained at least 4 pounds).  I don't have a shrink, so I'm talking to you. Let me go through a little of what happened. I'll give you some dialogue [along with my reactions and minor details in brackets] of the incident so you know just what went down. 

ME: Mom, I think I found a therapist. 

MOM: What? Why? Why do you need a therapist?

ME: Well, Mom, you told me you thought I was depressed and that I should go see a religious counselor but since its not a religious problem that I am having, I looked for a non-religious therapist [a.k.a. psychiatrist, if I am going to waste the time, I'd better get some good pills out of it]

MOM: What is wrong with you??

ME: I just am not happy here. I want to go to culinary school. That is all I want to do. Honestly, what am I going to do here with a French degree??!! 

MOM: Well, you could become a translator. they make a lot of money!

ME: MOM!!! ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO!! not what you want me to do!! [OK, so I didn't yell at her. but I felt like maybe it would have gotten my point across a little better] 

MOM: Why do you have to bring that school up again? We already discussed this. 

ME: I know but that is what I want to do! I am going to get loans and pay for it myself. 

MOM: Fine! But if you fail at it, don't expect to come back to me for anything. [OUCH]

ME: I wasn't asking you for anything to begin with. maybe I did before but now I've decided to do it on my own. all I want is your emotional support. [ugh, i sound like such a pussy]

MOM: You have my support! Just don't expect to come back home if you don't succeed! [yeah.....I TOTALLY believe that]

ME: Yeah, I totally believe that. Just give me the credit card so I can go to get those things you want for the backyard. 

So there it is. We all already know that my Dad will practically disown me if I go to culinary school, and now we can add my Mother to the list of people that HATE my choices in life. At this point, I don't even care that I don't have a girlfriend. I don't care that my car is not selling. I don't care that I am probably the lowest paid employee at my job [but that doesn't really bother me since I like my job a lot, I just felt like only 2 "I don't care"'s was not enough]. All I want to do is go to culinary school. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. And no, I am not going to play along with my parents "game" just so they will possibly, eventually give in and pay for culinary school. COMPLETELY out of the question. 

I love my life. I love my life. I love my life...............nope, not everything works like Beetlejuice.

FF

Ebony (Cynthia), Ivory (Marhel), and Me

Lorraine Shetty and Me

This girl and Me 

(I really dont remember her name!)

just a couple of pics for your entertainment. they take forever to upload to this blog so i will now be uploading them (in bulk) to picasaweb.google.com/fffarrr. there are lots more there. be there or be square. 

Where do I begin? Let's start with the fact that I HONESTLY CANNOT LIVE IN MY PARENTS HOUSE ANYMORE. I hope I didn't say that too loud. Let me just say that my mom doesn't get on my nerves at all (except for when she says things about the people I hang out with) but I just can't stand my dad anymore! I know I have gone on tirades about how much I hate him and what an asshole he is but I will stop with all that nonsense and just get down to the nitty-gritty.......he is not a human. I think I finally figured it out!! He does not come from this planet. I'm sure on whatever planet he comes from, he is totally normal. On his planet, people walk around screaming at each other and giving hi-fives when they make someone cry. They sit around and eat red meat while sipping on acid. Playing with peoples emotions in their hands and squashing them with their thumbs is just an afterschool activity. Keep in mind, on this planet, he doesn't realize that he needs to adjust himself to meet other peoples perception of what normal is. His idea of normal is totally skewed. Its ok. I have decided that until he learns to adjust, I will speak at him as if he has no idea what I am saying. "AYEE AHM GOEENG TOO MYEE FURENDS HAOUSE" [I am going to my friends house] or "THEE RED BUHTTOHN TURNS EET OHN" [the red button turns it on]. I think this plan is solid. Also, I might have to hire someone to chew his food for him. He can hold his mouth open and sounds come out but when the food gets in there he seems to sweat so profusely, I fear that he might drown. Maybe its a chewing and swallowing problem. I don't know but I think if he has help with the chewing part, he should be fine. Perhaps I'll also hire someone to dress him everyday. Apparently, on his planet, they prefer to wear pants that are absolutely too short for their legs. Maybe that person can also take care of hygiene. The onion toothpaste is no longer going to be acceptable......hold on........my bad! Its not onion toothpaste, he's just got horrid breath. Come to think of it, it might just be easier to fashion a spaceship out of aluminum foil and paperclips and just send him back to Planet Persi. So on that note, I'll wrap up my short story, and say thank you for reading.

FF

P.S. If you have any spare spaceship prototypes lying around, pass 'em my way. I could totally use some ideas. Thanks in advance!!
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So Cecilia is in town and we have been having a blast (or at least I think so because I never go out unless she, dalit or joey are in town) but I think my mom is right......I am depressed. I don't know what I have to be depressed about. I am verrrrry blessed to be able to have everything I could possibly want handed to me on a silver platter (with a side of neurotic foreign parents) but I feel like something is missing. I don't know whether its that I need to find a girlfriend [to keep me busy ;-)], I need to study what I REALLY want to study [seriously, what can I do with a french degree??] or that I am just stuck in a rut here in El Paso with no way out [ok so maybe there is a way out but I'd be in debt for life]. Whatever it is, I feel like I need to fix it ASAP!! I go around everywhere and though I may look happy, anytime I am by myself (or all the time), I wonder what everything might be like if I weren't here. Would anyone miss me? I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, I could never kill myself, I am much too shallow to ever do such a thing but I can't help but wonder, if I ran away, what difference would make to anyone around me? So I might be a little tipsy right now because there was much more tequila in my drink(s) than there was margarita mix but doesn't the truth usually come out when people have a little (or a lot) of a buzz going on?

Whatever,
FF

P.S. I'm suprised at how well I can type when I'm drunk.
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I just created a post that included a lot of pictures from the Carrie Underwood concert and MY INTERNET SHUT DOWN!!!!! Ugh! It was ready to post and all I had to do was put captions. I'm so annoyed. Whatev. I'll just do it another day from a computer that is connected to the internet through a landline. In the meantime, I'll tell you what happened today. First, I didn't sleep because Joey snores so annoying!! And when I say I didnt sleep, I mean I literally didn't sleep. I was lying down staring out the window for hours on end. Now I'm falling sleep as I walk and we had to get ready super early so we could go to Joey's graduation ceremony which was cut short due to the weather. It was REALLY windy and REALLY cold. After about 20 minutes out there, I stopped trying to fix my hair. We couldn't find Joey after the ceremony so his friends (Rachael, Elyse and Diego) and I went to Applebee's. They were being really nice but I know how much of a A-Hole I can seem to be. It's cool, we'll get drunk later and no one will care. We got back to the apartment and I attempted to take a nap but had no success in doing so. I can't sleep during the day. Now I am sitting here writing a blog. Joey says his parents wanna go to a casino or something so I am gonna go pick an outfit to lose my money in. 

Frick-n-Frack, 

FF

Yo yo!! I just got upgraded beyoncé style!!! I was at the rental car place and the chick behind the counter told me about the special they had on luxury suv's. So I said I couldn't afford it and she said she'd UPGRADE me for free!!! Woooo!! So now I'm rollin and h3!!!!!

Pimpin,
F
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That's right bitches......I have arrived!! Get ready. Cuz I am! Check it, I just got my braces tightened so I am using stronger pain meds than I probably should and the altitude just makes the air in my head a little bit thicker, combine that with a sprinkle of alcohol and we're in for a stooopid weekend!!! Short post today but I'm sure I'm going to be bored for about an hour sometime this weekend so I'll be sure to post pics and vids from the Carrie Under(wear)wood concert. I can see my bags so I'd better pounce before some other fool gets their paws on my goods.

PEACE!!! (In the middle east, seriously)
F
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Short entry but its not like my 5's of 10' of readers will mind, right? Let's get started with what's on my mind right now........Serena killed someone??!?! WTF?! That is some crazazy-ass shit! And her little bro is a flamer?! Yo for real, this show is my new addiction (along with ugly betty, desperate housewives and samantha who?). I honestly wish my life was as interesting as that pinchi show [gossipgirl]. By the way, if you saw samantha who? today, my fave line was:
"We both watch oprah!" -deena (excited)
" Omigod, we're twins." - andrea (sarcastic)
SO good. Meanwhile, I am not going to work tomorrow so I can study carrie and stalk linguistics. Wait....did I mix those two up? Hmmm. Wish me luck (in both).

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,
F
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....or lack thereof. I have done nothing all day but wake up, decorate and deliver a cake. That's all. Let me make it sound a bit more interesting, for my own interest. On this glorious morning of Saturday, May 3rd, I awoke to the sound of the landscape technicians (AKA mexican gardeners). After having both of my parents come into my room and tell me what I assume to be important things while I was still in a half-asleep state of mind, I attempted to drag my 178 lb doughy body to the restroom ro relieve my bladder of the fluids it had been processing all night. Following the urination expedition, I proceeded to wash my hands, drink a red bull and start making 6 slabs of cake look as appetizing as possible. In my humble opinion, I failed at it. The cleaning technician (AKA maid) told me it looked really nice. I think she was just being really nice. It was an intersting concept for a cake. With the help of Tanya, I developed a "design" for the cake. It was for a bachelorette party so Tanya said "it has to be tacky". I agreed. A 3-tier cake with a "stripper" inside. And it was pink. That is TACKY! I hollowed out the cake and stuck an unclothed Oliver (from Hannah Montana) doll into the center of the cake. It was the only male doll I could find. Luckily, he already had tighty whities on so there was no need for censorship. After assembling the cake and putting on a crumb coat of frosting, I let it hang out in the fridge for a while. I took it out of the fridge and frosted it with the second layer of homemade pink pina colada frosting and placed maraschino cherries at every corner of the cake. It was marvelously tacky (I'll post pictures as soon as I get them on my computer. The frosting was a buttercream frosting so I knew it either had to be refrigerated ASAP or delivered ASAP so I could get it out of my care in case it started to melt in this fantastic E Paso weather that we have. Well, on the way to drop it off at the destination, it started to melt. Oh well, I dropped it off and cleared out their fridge in order to savw the cake. They have yet to call me and let me know of they liked it. I tasted it, I liked it. But like I always say, it may not look pretty, but it'll taste good!! So there you have it, my ever so interesting life. That was much better than "wake up, decorate and deliver a cake".

Now I am sitting in my room watching My Fair Lady. It is an old musical. We have talked about it a few times in my linguistics class so I was in the mood to watch it. Ello guvnah!!

Ave a loverly day,
Enry Iggins
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Well in case anyone was wondering, I didn't get that H3. Long story short-my dad didn't wanna help me out by cosigning even though they were offering me 15000 for my car (more than what I'm trying to sell it for) and that would have SIGNIFICANTLY cut down the final cost of the new car. The sales-homie has called me like 3 times today and left me messages saying he has some good news about the car. I don't want to call him back because I know he'll just keep trying to push the car on me. Its just like every other situation in which my father has refused to help me out.Sinus surgery-no; this is a necessity. I didn't develop these sinus problems that I have. I INHERITED them from my DAD!!! Culinary school- no; people from the schools I was accepted to continue to send me letters and pamphlets. Film school- no; people from the school continue to send me letters and pamphlets. WHY DON'T THEY GET IT?!?!?! I CAN'T GO! I reeeeaaallllyy just want to go to culinary school and open a reataurant (or four). I don't understand the reps from these schools can't comprehend it when I tell them "my family won't help me and I can't afford your school on my own". Still, they call. It is beyond me. Even with loans and grants, etc., the Culinary Institute of America is MUCH too expensive for me to even dream of going there. Oprah, if you can hear me, please pay for my school. I'd be more than happy to work for you. Give me a show like Dr. P and RayRay. Or even a radio like Gayle. I promise I won't let you down. I'll do anything. I'll even write my autobiography and some fiction that you can promote on you book club. Someone, make my dream come true.

Cakes, Cookies and Chocolate,
F
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I'm car shopping. I'm at Borman Autoplex in the LC and they are offering 10000 trade-in for my car. I'm still pretty sure I can sell it for more but no one seems to want to buy it! Whatevs. It is a nice car and someone should buy it from me. So I'm checking out this black Hummer H3 and I really like BUT it has XM. What am I supposed to do without SIRIUS?! No Martha on XM. Lol! I really need a bigger car already!! My neck is starting top hurt from hunching over in my car. When I stepped into the H3 (as opposed to falling into my mustang) I felt SO comfortable!! It was roomy. It was clean. It was pretty. Now they are asking me how much I make and it is possible that I exaggerated a little bit. But hey, who doesn't exaggerate?! Don't judge bitches!! Imma do what I gots to do to get by! Well the sales-homie just came back in so I gots to go but I'll let y'all know what happens later.

Rollin',
F
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For some, its a good thing because it lets you feel good about consuming less calories while still enjoying a flavorful beverage. For others, its the devil. Today, the devil attacked me.......in the form of Diet Coke. Sara and I went to quizno's to pick up some lunch today and as I was getting into my car, I attempted to put my freshly served Diet Coke into the cupholder for the purpose of avoiding any spillage that might occur during the mounting of the vehicle. Well, thanks to poorly made cup lids, 20 ounces of caramel colored death ooozed into my upholstery. As in the seat I have to sit in. As in the place my ass is supposed to be occupying! It was a puddle of Diet Coke. It felt like a dagger throught the heart. I've never done anything to Diet Coke to make it betray me in such a way. Ouch Diet Coke, ouch. Now all that can save me is the trust that I have in my friend "Carpet and Upholstery Cleaner." And if not, there's always the detailer. That's all I have to say.

Tears,
F
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Krusty Lee Cook went home!!!!! How glorious a day this is!! May the people of America be blessed for finally coming to their senses!!!!!

Happily and Unbelievably Overjoyed,
FF
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Shopping.
Eating.
My blackberry.
All these things make me feel good. Only two of them can reeeally be bad when they get out of control. What do I do about it? Talk to my friend T (name has been omitted to protect privacy) about it. We share this addiction to Target and Ulta. I'm amazed that we don't run into each other there more often. The bad thing about it is that the geniuses behind the placement of these stores put them right next to each other. Wtf?!?! That doesn't help people with addictions. They are our enablers.

In the name of hygiene, grooming and beauty,
FF
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Juno came out on DVD today so bust out your hamburger phones, call the video store and put a copy on hold cuz they're sure to go fast. Keep in mind, only 21 days until the carrie underwood concert!! In other music news, 'Mimi' released her new album today. Although allegedly Ashlee Simpson leaked it last week. I downloaded the leaked version and let me just say, if you want a whisper-singing, hand-waving diva on your iPod, get the album. Its got a lot of upbeat songs so it'll get you going. But seriously, she needs back up that whole "the voice" thing and bust out some better shit! And in non-celeb news, Joey (my best friend) should be finding out within the next week if he made it  onto The Big Show on ABC. He could be the next 15 minute reality show superstar. Watch out Tila Tequila, he's one fierce bitch!

Talk it out,
FF
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Okay bitches! This is just a test. I want to see how the blog from blackberry works out. I'll post later to see if I like it.

F
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ok peeps, check it. this is my second try at a weblog. i used to have a xanga account but that one sucked and i hadn't updated it since 2004.  i figured i would give it another shot so here it goes. and apparently i can do this from my blackberry so i will. i am never at my computer anyway so this should work well. and it will improve my blackberry typing skills. this is most likely going to be a blog about nothing. but i actually like writing, although i am so tired of writing papers for my english class. the topics are getting more and more dull!! anyway, lets kick things off with a snap. (no bang, i'm too tired for that) i signed up for planet fitness today!! i am tired of being so jiggly. when i am driving in my car, i feel like a ziploc bag full of jello strapped in to a harness. i'm not fat, i'm just out of shape. i'm tall but my mom says i look "muy aguado" (watery. lol!) whatevs. i'm just glad that i haven't gained any of the weight i lost 2 years ago. keep in mind that i eat almost non stop. i just cant help it! i love food. my name is farzad and i am a food-a-holic.